Day One in Sweden:

As I’m lying in my bed at the Scandic Continental in Stockholm Sweden trying to go through the countless notes I took on my phone yesterday while traveling because I told my followers I’d be doing daily blog posts and I want to follow through with something I intended on doing, I can’t help but not want to do any of it. Why? Because even though I’m now on vacation doesn’t mean my depression and anxiety is suddenly on vacation too. I am really not feeling it today, but I’m not gonna let that stop me from going to museums and exploring the city, even though I’d honestly rather lay in bed all day at this point. That won’t help me. I would just be filled with regrets about having this amazing opportunity and not using it.

That’s a big thing on my mind right now. Regrets. Not specific regrets, but the fact that I want to live without them. I want to start taking risks in my life and stop always playing it safe. I don’t wanna be on my deathbed at the end of my life thinking about all the chances I didn’t take. I want to leap for things even if the landing is uncertain, if I don’t start trying I will never know. I just know one thing, I am not happy. I am not happy with my life how it is right now. I am grateful for the things I have and everything I have experienced, but I feel like everything is being dictated for me and I hate it. I’m sick of it. It makes me feel like I’m living within a shell of myself. So conclusion: I am not happy with where I am in life and feel trapped and without freedom (PS I’m not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, I know I’m very lucky to have a lot of experiences I have for example, being in Sweden right now). Solution: Change your life. Do something about it. Don’t just wait for someone else to do it for you because nobody will.

I am going to most likely take the next year off school, hopefully move elsewhere and work. Just earn money and travel for a bit that’s all I want to do. Maybe I’ll take some community college courses on the side, but right now school is not my priority, my happiness, mental health, and overall well-being is what I am determined to focus on. As well as growth and using my abilities to accomplish things I can be proud of.

More alter, going out to a couple museums today, I’ll try to make these next few posts more about the trip and less about me. Just needed to write some things down.

#travel #regrets #sick #mentalhealth #depression #uncertainty #roomforgrowth #animosity